A Wicked Evening!

Hello friends!

Yesterday was a pretty awesome day for me, mostly because I got to see my favourite musical ever Wicked for the third time! I knew it was the closing night last night, so literally the first thing I thought of when I woke up in the morning was Wicked. Then to add insult to injury, I saw about ten pictures of the opening scenery from various other Wicked lovers on Facebook, and I was absolutely gutted I hadn't had chance to see it while it was at the Millennium Centre in Cardiff. But then, a change in the weather was to come! I got a phone call from my lovely chummy +Ffion Thomas, asking me if I wanted to go with her and her family, as her brother's girlfriend couldn't go any more (for very good reason, too!). She didn't need to ask twice - I WAS GOING!

The opening scenery - I'm always mesmerised by that map!

 

I had been to London twice before to see Wicked, both times with the same cast. There's always apprehension about touring productions and different casts, especially when what you had seen the first time was absolute perfection. But I have to say, this production did not even slightly disappoint. Obviously it was a little different, and I have my favourites from both casts, but it was truly incredible. I don't know if it's because I'm a few years older than last time I saw it, or maybe because I've been in more productions myself since then, but I noticed so many more details this time around, like the absolutely obscene standard of dancing throughout, or how tight and powerful the harmonies of the chorus were. In particular, the Dancing Through Life and One Short Day sequences showed off the amazing chorus, and still remain as my favourite scenes.Not to mention our lovely Fiyero and Elphaba nailing one of my favourite duets ever, As Long As You're Mine. I'm just in awe. Everything was amazing. I recommend absolutely anyone to buy tickets to see Wicked, either on the remainder of its tour, or on the West End. It is powerful, moving, funny and witty (seriously, some of the Wizard of Oz references are brilliant!). There's a reason this is my favourite show. Okay, I think I'm done gushing now. 

And of course, there was an excellent reason I got my hands on that ticket! Ffion's brother's girlfriend, Sophie, had gone into labour earlier in the day. Then in the opening bars of One Short Day, we got a phone call from the hospital and a little wave of commotion made its way across our row as we learned that Ffion's second nephew, Daniel Ray Jones had made his way into the world safely. Congratulations, Aunty Ffi! 

So I said this post was going to be happy, and I think this pretty much stepped up to the cause! An all round excellent evening to write about.

Until next time, amigos!

xoxo

Why Dementia Sucks.

Hello friends, I'm afraid another serious post is upon us. Hopefully the posts following this will be far lighter reading, but this is an important topic, and is something that's shaken me to the core for the last few weeks.

On Wednesday 9th April, my family sadly lost my grandmother to Alzheimer's disease. She had been in hospital for a few weeks and her health had been deteriorating severely and quickly. By the end of it, we were just glad to see the end of her suffering, regardless of how difficult it was for the rest of us. I wasn't exceptionally close to my gran in the later years of her life, but she was always there, and before her dementia got the better of her, always brightened the room and brought a smile. I was shaken by her death more than I ever expected to be (not that I really knew what to expect, having never lost a close family member until now).

But this post isn't necessarily about my loss or my mourning. It's about the disease that brought it about. Over the past few months, I've done quite a bit of research into Alzheimer's and other causes of dementia. Dementia is a difficult term to explain articulately, but it's basically progressive damage to nerves in the brain, causing loss of memory, confusion and other symptoms which are all hard to watch someone experience. Here is a basic summary of the disease and its symptoms, or this video explains it all equally as well.

 But what I've come to realise is that regardless of how destructive it is and how big a scale it affects people on, there still seems to be a stigma of some sort around the disease. Whilst research and support organisations exist, they are nowhere near as well-known as organisations for the likes of cancer and other diseases. I just find this hard to believe and frankly, ridiculous, when dementia accountable for so many deaths. In less than ten years, over 1 million people in the UK alone will have some kind of dementia. And yet nobody in the media, in politics or anywhere else that would raise awareness seems to talk about it.

Fortunately, I have found an organisation that sparks some hope to the cause. What I want to do more than anything is to help break the stigma surrounding dementia and Alzheimer's, and to see a more public approach to tackling the disease as a whole. The comedy genius and all-round legend, Seth Rogen has taken a strong step towards making this happen. He and his wife have set up an organisation called Hilarity For Charity, in aid of Alzheimer's. He has also made a great effort to expose the disease to the American public and government. Here is a video of his speech to Congress on the matter. I urge you to watch it, because he truly hits the nail on the head.

So that's pretty much it. All I want to do is spread awareness in the hope that Alzheimer's and other causes of dementia become better recognised so that more people can be successfully diagnosed, sufferers and carers can have the level of support they deserve and to make the campaign against dementia as big as campaigns for other illnesses. Please do give these videos a watch, and if you're affected by any of this personally, I urge you to get involved in some way, whether that's by sharing your experience, joining in a charity event or even creating your own, which is something I hope and aim to do in the near future. 

Until next time, amigos

xoxox

(ps. I promise my next post will be something a little more smiley. Here's to hoping the rough times have come to an end for now!)

Panic Attacks

Hello friends!

Two blog posts in two days - now this is a record. But today's post is a little more serious and a little more personal than the last. Yesterday, I read Zoella's blog post about panic attacks. I have no idea how I hadn't read it before now, considering it's been on the internet for around three years, but there you go. So having heard her story, I thought I would explain mine too.

My experience with panic attacks hasn't necessarily been the longest of struggles, in fact they began fairly recently. As I may have mentioned, 2012 was by far the worst year of my life so far. As far as I'm concerned, it's one big black hole I choose to forget about wherever possible. But around September time of 2012 was when I had my first panic attack.

I had been out with friends in the evening and when I got home, I discovered that my mother was staying over her boyfriends for the night, so I was home alone. That had never been a problem for me, in fact I usually enjoy being alone for a while. However, I was in a pretty dark place at the time, and while it was easy to be okay around friends as I was always distracted, things tended to turn ugly when I didn't have something to think about. I don't actually remember much about the night so I can't say for certain what triggered, but I would assume the feeling of anxiety came along with the feeling of loneliness and depression. I found myself getting upset and locked myself in the bathroom to calm down, except it didn't quite go to plan. I broke down completely and began to feel really short of breath. My chest was tightening, I felt dizzy, and I was hysterically crying, which I'm sure did not help. I don't know how long I was like that for - it felt like forever, but was probably around fifteen minutes. It was one of the scariest thing I've ever experienced.

After the first attack, I didn't have another for what seemed like ages. I thought it may have been a one off, but when it happened again, I recognised it immediately. I was in a night club, in the busiest room. I had been drinking, so my senses were already heightened, and I found myself being pushed back towards the speakers. Again, I felt dizzy and my chest was tightening. But this time, a huge group of my friends were there watching me, asking me what was wrong. I felt like I was being suffocated and I just wanted to get out. The feeling is honestly inexplicable - like everything you feel, hear and see blur into one huge, overwhelming mess.

After that occasion, the panic attacks have since become more of a regular thing. I don't suffer terribly, I can still live my life normally, but I'm always wary that something will go wrong and I'll start panicking. One of my biggest fears at the moment is panicking in a lecture at uni, or somewhere out in public during the day. Most of my attacks have been in night clubs, crowded spaces or at least at night time. It's embarrassing being in university and going out with new people, only to end the night prematurely with panicking and crying that I honestly can't control, especially when the new people I'm out with think I'm just being stupid and drunk-crying.

When I panic, I've learned that there are a few things I need to happen in order for me to calm down. I don't know if these apply to anybody else, but just in case you're ever out with me and it happens (who knows?!), here are my please dos and please don'ts.

1. Please just get me outside as quickly as you can.
2. Please don't ask me what's wrong. The likelihood is, I'll struggle to reply with "I can't breathe."
3. Please try to find some water for me. I promise I'd ask for it myself if I could.
4. Please don't try to make me do stupid exercises to calm me down. Like Zoella pointed out, saying the alphabet, counting your fingers or anything of the sort only frustrate me more, and that unfortunately doesn't help.
5. Please find a wall for me to sit upright against. I'm not really sure why this helps me, but it does.
6. Please don't try to hug me or rub my back, or anything like that. It just makes me feel like I'm being suffocated. Crowding around me feels terrifying too, since that was what probably caused me to panic in the first place. What might help, however, is a cheeky squeeze of the hand. Sorry in advance if I squish it. 

So that's all I can think of, really. I thought I would make this post because I've heard a few comments about panic attacks lately that haven't particularly thrilled me. They're really not cool, so please try to be understanding, and all I can do is apologise for ruining your night or stressing you out. I hope this helps at least somebody!

Until next time, darlings!

xoxo